I don’t remember the last time I’ve written here, and now is not the time for me to go through my old posts. Not when I have this much motivation to write. Got to put all these thoughts in writing before they slip away like they always do.
Clearly, my life has been a total mess, mostly due to work. All the crazy hours are affecting my discipline in living a wholesome life. I’m sure you know what it’s like to only come home at 10pm after a long day’s work, not even yet have dinner, let alone have time to do anything else. When we’re tired and hungry at the end of the day, we make very bad decisions.
I told myself that once this crazy work project eases, I will get back on track. I told myself I have no choice, being in the line of profession that I am. I told myself this is temporary.
It has been more than half a year since this craziness started, and there is no sign of it ending any time soon. I then realised that I cannot put my life on hold because of this. Time waits for no one.
And so, I have been making it a point to get up earlier just so that I have at least an hour of Me time before the crazy day starts. This morning time is for me to take care of me. It doesn’t matter if I workout, write, read, or (try to) meditate. What matters is that I have that time all to myself, free from distractions. I make it a point not to check my phone until after. I make it a point not to get to work earlier than I’m required to. I cannot control what time I get to leave my work place, but I get to dictate what time I get in.
I also realise that another reason why I haven’t been writing “publicly” is because of my fear of judgment. I am so afraid of dealing with negative comments that I avoid appearing controversial, especially online where people do not think twice about judging others vocally. I worry whether my English is perfect enough, whether my contents are good enough, whether I will offend anyone. But we all know that no matter what is it that we say or do, there will be haters. There will be people who judge. The only way for people to not have anything to say about us if we don’t exist to them.
But that’s not the way I want to live my life. I enjoy writing, even if it’s regarded as bad writing. I shouldn’t let the fear of being judged stop me from doing what I love. So what if my contents are not interesting enough? So what if they get repetitive? So what if my blog is not as pretty?
But more of this in another post – about being authentic to ourselves, and doing what we love, for ourselves.
I will now try to write more often, and write whenever I feel like writing. I will not let my fear of being deemed as “not good enough” prevent me from doing what I love.
If you are in the same place in life, let us walk this journey together. Let us live life the way we want to.
Love, Jess xoxo