Intentional living · Revelations · Support System

Don’t make it hard for people to love you

Hi friends, how are you?

So, Valentine’s Day was a few days ago. As in most recent years, we did not particularly celebrate – we only had dinner together (which does not happen often on a weekday). There was no gifting, simply because there really isn’t anything that either of us really want, so the rational thing to do is not to spend money for the sake of spending money. I was, however, touched that the boyfriend suggested that we dine at this vegetarian restaurant which he has never been to (he is a total meatasaurus).

On Valentine’s Day, a friend told me that lately, she has been feeling a little unhappy about her relationship with her husband. It isn’t something serious. I believe it is something most couples will go through at one point – the feeling that the relationship has gotten stagnant, and you don’t see how you are able to progress further together. As we were chatting, she told me that she was notified about flowers being sent to her. Now, it is not a routine for her husband to send her flowers every Valentine’s Day, so I thought it was really sweet of him to do so to cheer her up.

However, being the realistic (and frugal) person that my friend is, she told me she was actually concerned about how much he spent on those flowers.

It was then I realised that sometimes, we make it so hard for people to love us. For some reason, we put up this wall that prevents others from caring about us. When someone does something nice for us, instead of showing gratitude, we choose to see why he shouldn’t have done it, or how he hasn’t done it well enough.

I told my friend not to overthink it, and to just appreciate what he had done. It is not like he splurges on flowers every month or even every year! We should show our appreciation when someone goes the extra mile for us, and not reprimand them.

We are so quick to complain and judge, but so slow in being grateful for the things others do for us. More importantly, in any relationship, it is not enough for us to only feel grateful. We need to show that we are grateful, and to make the other person feel appreciated. It is a win-win situation for both persons. When you show gratitude, it will only reinforce the other person’s belief that he has done the right thing, and so, he will continue to do that thing for you.

So don’t make it hard for others to love you. You are worthy of being loved, and the person who does is worthy of your gratitude.

Are you guilty of putting up this wall?

Love, Jess xoxo

2 thoughts on “Don’t make it hard for people to love you

  1. I make it hard for people to love me because I feel unlovable. I reject them so that when they leave, I’ll feel validated: “Aha! I knew you’d give up on me, too!”
    I’m getting therapy to help my terrible self-esteem.


    1. I’m sure many of us are guilty of feeling that way at one point. Sucks to have low self-esteem! It’s good that we are aware of it and acknowledge it enough to try to make a change. All the best!


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